Licentiate Column 12/05/11: Fashioning Nightwear

What do you wear in bed? Burberry pajamas? Silk kimonos? Calvin briefs? Something saucy by Elle MacPherson or (cue scandalised gasps) Ann Summers?

The politics of nightwear aren’t so much convoluted as they are unexplored. I can’t remember the last time a fashion magazine dedicated a shoot to fashionable nightwear, if ever. I doubt somehow that the sticky subject of what to wear while unconscious and riding the waves of REM has Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington engaged in vicious debate over the best hemline for a babydoll nightie.

A straw poll taken amongst my female friends (the answers the males gave are unfit for print and would probably result in a mental-picture induced fainting fit) revealed that fashion has no place between the sheets, unless grey Marks and Spencers t-shirts are the new Spring/Summer trend that Vogue have unforgivably forgotten to report on.

We already over-analyse what we should wear to weddings, to dates, at work and at play. Why not stir a pot already overloaded with spoons and discuss the ramifications of what you wear in bed? That grey tee will never look the same again.

1) Pajamas. Loose fitting shirt and trousers, often made in a cotton or silk material. A much beloved Christmas present from clueless maiden aunts the words over, pajamas are basically slouchy suits. The pajama is the formal matriarch of the nightwear family. It is staid, perennial and probably best worn in cream silk with reams of pearls, a la Coco Chanel. Here’s a bonus fun fact: Pajamas were, up until the 1940’s, an acceptably chic form of daywear. Those girls who go to Tesco in their best Penney’s piggy print know more than they’re letting on.

2) Baby-doll nighties. Super short, often transparent nightgowns, sometimes sold with matching underwear. Much-maligned, under appreciated and terminally neglected now that suggestion just doesn’t cut it in the sexy stakes, baby-dolls were once the pinnacle of Playboy risque. Modern baby-dolls are close cut on the hips and have slightly seedy connotations. If buying, vintage baby-dolls are your best bet. Be warned, old polyester can scratch like angry sandpaper and if worn by the wrong person, can make you resemble a circus tent with legs.

3) T-shirt and underwear. By far the most popular answer in the straw poll, the thinking behind this combo is that, before bed, you take off everything but your underwear and cotton vest. And that’s it. No effort equals high function and low impact. Many women labour under the thought that this is actually the sexiest option for bed-time attire and they’d be right, unless their partner watches too many exotic films. It’s you with the absolute minimum of clothing on - what’s not for your partner to love?

4) Funzie - The adult version of a onesie, this is best indulged on a lonely night in front of the tv, with a tub of ice cream and a dab of paraphilic infantilism. Just say no.

A Christmas Wishlist

I'm so sorry,  I couldn't help it.  The spirit moved me and I said the C word on the blog.  That C word is Christmas, mind you, not what Charlotte for Sex and the City would primly call 'see-you-next-Tuesday'. Now that I've drawn attention to that, I have to warn you that there is ONE pic that might possibly be NSFW, but it's of an item of clothing, so it would depend on how easily offended you are.  Here's the list.  Check it twice if you must.

Clothes and Stuff

Siouxsie Sioux lookin' fierce

This epic t-shirt (to wear to job interviews and family christenings, obviously). Click here to read a totally interesting and absorbing series of posts about the evolution of the Tits t-shirt, brought to the masses by Vivienne Westwood and Malcolm MacLaren.

 - Black yarn

 - White yarn

 - Big ol' knitting needles

 - Loose rhinestones

 - Lengths of chain

Ingredients for a top secret craft project - and by 'top secret' I mean glaringly obvious (it's a jumper).  The closest approximation I can find is on this stylish lady on Chictopia .  And it's handmade too.  It must be fate.  I'd like to make something a little bit like this, but sparkly.

On a side note for fellow Irish bloggers; were you forced to learn knitting in primary school?  I learned (and I say that in the loosest sense possible) knitting, sewing and crochet at the Presentation Primary and conveniently forgot my knitting needles and crochet hooks for about three years running.

It might just be me, but making things is so much better than just buying the finished article.  A mountain of studs to gussy up my biker jacket a la Burberry would be mighty useful too.

Books, books and more books...

Allure by Diana Vreeland - The out-of-print masterpiece has been reissued with an introduction by Marc Jacobs.  Possibly the funniest, wittiest writer of fashion ever.  Vreeland, that is, not Marc Jacobs.
The Mode in Furs by R. Turner Wilcox - So I can understand a bit more about fur and where the hell the idea of wearing an animal comes from.
Self Portrait in a Velvet Dress by Denise Rosenzweig - A peek into the wardrobe of amazing, flamboyant artist Frida Kahlo, who took up a big part of my Halloween post with her scarves, braids and traditional Mexican clothing.

Film Flickers

Totally unattainable

I've got a Mac G4, I've had it for five years and it still works great.  But it's a little bit knackered now and I need something that has more memory and runs a little bit quicker.  It also weighs a ton.  A new Mac Air would do the trick nicely.  So light, you can barely see it.  Just like Kate Moss.  Anonymous donors, start queueing here.

And...

World peace.  Not too much to ask, is it?