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Monday, January 4, 2010

Not so Happy New Year

I'm not a big fan of New Years Eve. Two reasons - one practical, one totally illogical. In another life, I was a bar supervisor at a large nightclub in a one horse town. Without the vital protection of beer goggles I saw (albeit through a cynical lens) that New Years Eve is just your typical Saturday night, magnified a hundred times. The queues are a hundred times longer, entrance fees are multiplied by a hundred percent. Girls weep a hundred tears because their hope for a New Years kiss is currently pawing a seventeen year old who resembles nothing so much as a Barbie that's spent too much time in the sun. And then there's the vomit. A hundred times the normal amount of human effluvium, all waiting to be swept up in preparation for the brand new (and sparking clean) year ahead.
If you think about it, New Years Celebrations are a microcosm of the year itself. It's all about bingeing and purging, literally and metaphorically. 'Out with the Old, in with the New' is the new maxim. Everyone shakes off the hangover and tries to find a new sense of equilibrium, only to fling themselves off the rickety see-saw with one too many Cosmos at next years shindig.
Which brings me to my nonsensical reason for abhorring the New Year. The endless cycle of self-improvement, failure and staring again leads me to think that humans are willfully repeating itself. What was so wrong with the Old? I liked 2009! I finished my degree. I was published. I moved into a house on my own and became independent (of my parents but woefully not the State).
What if 2010 is the year that I catch Swine Flu or lose out at the Topshop January Sale? Or worse still, what if, by December 31st 2010, I still don't have my first proper big girl job and am still on the dole?
For many people, NYE is an opportunity to celebrate. For a minority of people in a transition period (translation - me), it's a precipice. My fear of change and failure are making me drag my heels. Unfortunately for me, there's only one way to go, and that's forward. The only option is to jump off the edge and hope to fly instead of fall.