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Thursday, April 1, 2010


As a barely employed single woman, I take it for granted that I have to get a job. Long gone are the days when an unmarried woman of twenty-two who has parents of reasonable means could lounge around on a chaise and smoke cigarettes endlessly (in a slim, black cigarette holder a la Breakfast at Tiffany's, natch), waiting for a suitor to call. The days of the Lady of Leisure are dead and gone. They've gone the way of the Mitford sisters, fur as a not just accepted but essential accessory and an era when fascism was fashionable.
However, since I'm a lady at my leisure, I think it's wise to impart upon those with real lives how the new Lady of Leisure (I would think up a good acronym but LOL has unfortunately been hijacked by instant messaging) spends her days.
11am. Wake up. Realise it's still technically morning so go back to sleep. 1pm. This it the point at which most people turn on TV3 for an Oprah/Ellen double bill. Since I don't own a tv and can hear the rumbles in my stomach I call my aunt and ask her if she wants to buy my lunch. If she says no I go stand outside her office, rub my stomach and shriek until she comes out and buys me some fishcakes.
2pm - 4pm. A healthy body is essential, so after my one meal of the day I get the heart rate up by going into Brown Thomas and calculating how many weeks of dole money it would take to buy THAT dress. Repeat with the shoe lounge and handbag area. Leave with ten years shaved off my life from minor heart attack brought on by thinking about an already overstretched credit card limit.
4pm - 5pm. Go to the public library on Grand Parade and request approximately twelve million books. 5.30pm. Home. Call my mother and tell her that I lost my glasses again. While she lectures me on being responsible for my possessions I pop the phone on mute and make a cup of tea.
7pm. Time to do some writing. I'll just go on Facebook for a little while while I find my inspiration... 9pm. Hmm. An ex boyfriend is no longer listed as 'single'. This needs further investigation. I'll start writing in two minutes.
4am. Ok, I really must start writing now. No more procrastination.
4.05am. Sleep.